From PROBLEMS AND MIRACLES by Ryan Davis:
C H O C O L A T E
A N D C R A C K E R S
I’m not exactly sure
if it’s that Dimebag Darrel was shot dead tonight
along with his band mates while on stage
doing what he loved most,
except for maybe
smoking marijuana,
or if it’s because people keep insisting that I am
gay
just because I wear the color pink
and like Aimee Mann
and have an admiration for all things especially
cute,
or if it’s my diet
which, on a daily basis,
consists of little more than chocolate and crackers,
or if it’s the fact that I really have to go to the
bathroom
but have not gotten around to buying toilet paper
in over two weeks
and do not feel like traveling nine floors
for any reason at this particular point in time,
whether it be to move my bowels
or to receive a handsome sum of cash.
I’m not exactly sure
if it has something to do with
my wanting to destroy everything that I create,
whether it be a photograph or a friendship,
or if it is the knowledge that I must wake up
tomorrow
and be an “artist”
when all I will probably feel like doing
is sitting in this civil war zone of a room,
eating chocolate and crackers,
and listening to Aimee Mann
until it is time to go back home for the holidays.
maybe it’s just because it’s three o’clock in
the morning,
I’m laying on a couch that has been tipped on its
side,
and have been sleeping every night
about as well as a child on Christmas morning,
a child who was good this year,
but I cannot speak for myself,
nor can I figure out why,
exactly,
I miss my mom so much tonight.